WHAT IS THIS?

it's a band. we're called THE HAND.

WHO ARE YOU?

well, it's ZAK SALLY, DALE FLATTUM, and SHAWN WALKER. ZAK was in LOW for a really long time, DALE was in STEEL POLE BATH TUB for an equally long time, and SHAWN is in GAY WITCH ABORTION. but all 3 of us have done a bunch of other stuff (music, art, comics, etc), as well.

SO, YOU'RE A BAND. WHERE CAN I GET YOUR RECORD?

you can't.

WHY NOT?

because we're not making one.

WELL THEN WHEN ARE YOU GOING ON TOUR?

um, never? probably never. we're not doing that, either.

SO HOW AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO HEAR THIS STUFF?

right here, on this site (and nowhere else). you can listen to it for free, or you can give us $4 and you can have it for your very own.

we're putting up THREE NEW SONGS, EVERY FOUR MONTHS, for the next 2 years.

$4 is less than a fancy cup of coffee. do it for a year, and you'd get roughly the equivalent of an album, for $12. 

HOLD ON-- YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T MAKING A RECORD!

we're not.

we just record the songs live, put them up, and that's it.

no studios, fixing "mistakes", etc etc.

BUT WHAT ABOUT SPOTIFY, ITUNES, PANDORA, AND ALL THAT? CAN I CHECK IT OUT THERE?

are you kidding? HELL no. they are a bunch of bullies, and they give less than 2 shits about the artists that are making them their untold millions of dollars. so, screw 'em. they can't have it.

YOU THINK THEY ACTUALLY CARE?

no.

SO LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT: YOU'RE NOT TOURING, STREAMING, RECORDING IN A STUDIO, OR MAKING A RECORD. IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?

no. why would it be?

BECAUSE THAT'S THE STUFF YOU DO IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO HEAR YOUR SONGS, DUMMY!!!

yeah, i guess.

SO WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT, THEN?

because we've done it already. for a long time. and also, because we don't want to.

WHY NOT?

because it's fucking boring.

SO YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO HEAR YOUR BAND, THEN.

what?!?! of course we do! now you're just talking stupid, and i can't hear you when you do that. we're having a blast, and want as many people to hear it as possible. it's fun. that's the whole point.

we just have zero interest in "making it" ("big" or even "medium", actually...); so why do any of the stuff that moves you toward that goal? we just want to do our thing on whatever level seems reasonable. there's only one way to be a band and that's "make records/tour/promote/be on a label/ repeat until the sun burns out"? who said you need to do all that stuff to take it seriously, get shit done, and have people hear your songs? who decided that? it's ridiculous. i guess it works for some, but seriously--that cat done got skinned to death. there's got to be something stupider/ more fun.

it's 2015 and there's the interweb and all that.

and besides, we're old.

REALLY? HOW OLD?

our median age is 46.

ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!?

no, i'm not "shitting you". you kiss your mother with that mouth?

anyway, we're not trying to make a living at this, so it makes things pretty simple. we'll do this until we've got 40 songs (if we make it that far), then quit. probably. that's enough for any band, right? 

 

 

 

 

LOOK, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME HOW THIS WORKS?

sure.

it works exactly like a CSA (heavy on the "C").

you know, those things where people who care about growing food for people ethically and responsibly enter an agreement with other people who also care about small-scale, responsible food production. they give $ directly to the people who make the stuff, and get beets and heirloom tomatoes whenever they're ready. the farmers don't want to be in big chain supermarkets and the people supporting them don't want to buy their food at those places. no middlemen, no nonsense, everybody knows what they're getting into, what they're getting, and why they're getting it.

this is the exact same model, only instead of "food", it's songs. by us.

we promise to never put up anything we don't think is worth $4, and to try not to be boring and/or behave like "professional musicians" with a "career" (because we're not and we don't). you promise to not....i dunno, be an asshole about the whole thing.

if we get 250 people, that's awesome. if we get 2500, even awesomer (if we get 25,000 we're probably doing something wrong, and should quit). but if you are the sort of person who feels that $1.33 per song directly to the folks that made it is a ripoff, and not a fair and equitable thing for all involved, well....there's plenty of places you can go for deals like that. this isn't one of them.

if you're into this little sociological experiment, we're happy to have you. if it's not your thing, that's perfectly ok with us, too.

but we're doing it anyway.

 

 

THE HAND

Vocals, Guitar / zak sally
Bass / dale flattum
Drums / shawn walker